by Harry Osborne
False religion has historically been given to worldly actions and language masked with emotionalism to present a show of religiousness that is actually devoid of true spirituality. A modern example may be seen in the denominational world's plea for all to have "a personal relationship with Jesus," while their teaching actually leads people away from the Lord. They urge people to "get close" to the Lord in emotion and profession while they fail to obediently submit to Him (cf. Matt. 7:21-23). As they continue in their disobedience shrouded in emotionalism, their speech has betrayed them as they use terminology that goes well beyond the Bible by using words more descriptive of romance than true Bible love. The current fad among them is to speak of the Christian's need to have a "love affair" with Jesus.
Several books are popular among our sectarian neighbors heralding this theme. Chuck and Nancy Missler wrote a book called Faith in the Night Seasons which has one section entitled, "The Love Affair," with two chapters titled " Further Blessings from Intimacy" and "My Own Love Affair with Jesus." Michelle McKinney Hammond has a book called Get A Love Life: How to Have a Love Affair With God. The popular use of this terminology crosses denominational boundaries. It is used by Catholics as is evident in God's Blue Book II written by a Jesuit wherein he portrays Jesus as saying:
One thing that pleases Me is your union with Me, the ardent, longing love you give to Me. To sit and tell Me how you long to be with Me and want Me so much! I want a love affair with you. I want emotion, heartfelt emotion. Oh, little ones, listen! Emotion! Action from your heart! Enkindle your love affair with this ardent lover. I am a furnace on fire for love of you, My beloved servant. I need your love affair with Me. My love will shine from your very being. Pray this prayer constantly for union with Me. I loved you to My death. I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God (excerpt published at www.Shepherds-of-Christ.org).
It is even more popular among Evangelicals. One reviewer of a 1997 book The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis, of Focus on the Family, described the book as follows:
But what I was not prepared for was the fact that The Sacred Romance is just that, a book about romance: and not just any old boring romance, but a flaming, passionate love affair with the "Ageless Romancer" who ravishes our souls. Yes, this is a "Harlequin" of God (www.mrrena.com/hearts.shtml).
On the website of the Creekside Covenant Church, an Evangelical group, they said of the book:
The Sacred Romance is a breath of fresh air. It is a way of understanding the lifelong, everyday love affair that we can have with Jesus. This book helped me put some key spiritual pieces of my life in place and has given me new words to describe what God has done and will do in my life (www.ecreekside.com/archives/bookofthemonth/booksofthemonth.htm).
Yes, "new words," indeed, for the Bible never used such words to describe the Christian's love for the Lord! Sadly, some of our own brethren have taken up this fad and are also urging brethren to have a "love affair" with the Lord.
When one goes to the dictionary to define the term "love affair," he will find the following as the primary definitions given: "an amorous or romantic relationship or episode between two people not married to each other" (Webster's New World Dictionary), "an intimate sexual relationship between two people: affair, amour, love, romance" (Roget's II), "a romantic or sexual relationship, especially outside marriage" (Compact Oxford English Dictionary), "sexual or romantic relationship: a sexual or romantic relationship between people who are not married to one another or who do not live together in a permanent relationship" (Encarta Dictionary), or "a relationship or episode between lovers, esp. a romantic or sexual one" (Wordsmyth). When we consider the meaning of the term and the teaching of the Bible, it should be obvious that our relationship with and love for Christ is not properly termed a "love affair."
First, we are not in an illicit or extra-marital relationship with the Lord. To suggest such borders on or crosses the line to blasphemy. Yet, some have dared to flagrantly use the term knowing its connotation and flaunting it for its shock value to push their ungodly error. Note the following review of Between Noon and Three: Romance, Law, and the Outrage of Grace, a book by Robert Capon:
Sacred adultery, a mafia hit, and a coffee hour give-and-take seem unlikely parables to explain Grace Capon confronts the menacing ugliness of legalism... Capon deliberately uses the parable of a love affair between two already married people just to push you a bit closer to the edge of discomfort... This book makes you want to raise your finger and say, "Yeah, but..." - then it silences you because you know that he is laying bare the scandal of God's love and grace, resurrecting us from the death of sin. Not "because of..." or "as long as...." not "only if you...."; there are no conditions, no promises of a changed life, no cost to ourselves and even no choice for us to make... Sin just doesn't come into play beyond the fact that it brought death in the first place. God just doesn't see it anymore. As Capon says, he only sees, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." Wow (www.bookhills.com/Between_Noon_and_Three_Romance_Law_and_the_Outrage_of_Grace_0802842224.htm).
Yes, one can teach rank Calvinism by appealing to such terminology, but what truth would it help teach about the Christian's love for and relation to Christ? Absolutely none! That is why the inspired writers never used the term or the idea.
Second, our love for the Lord is not expressed by a romantic or sexual component, but by obedient service to the Lord. The Greek word agape was used to denote the love commanded of man towards God. It describes a love of selfless service, not romance or sexuality. The Greek word eros described romantic or sexual love, but the Bible never used such as descriptive of our love for the Lord. The Greek word philia described a loving affinity born out of a common bond. W. E. Vine notes that it "is never used in a command to men to love God," but it is "used as a warning in 1 Cor. 16:22" (Expository Dictionary of N. T. Words, Vol. 3, p. 21). In the context, it is clear that the affection discussed is not a subjective feeling of romance, but it arises from the agape love which is commanded (1 Cor. 16:14). Clearly, the Bible does not command that Christians express a sexual or romantic love towards the Lord, but that our love towards Him be of an entirely different kind.
What does the Bible teach about the nature and evidence of our lawful love for the Lord? Jesus commanded and explained the love He expects of us saying, "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (Jn. 14:15). Love is not evidenced by what we feel towards God, but by what we do -- obey. This is exactly the same way the Old Testament told God's people to express their love for Him (Ex. 20:6; Deut. 7:9; 11:1, 13, 22; 30:16; Josh. 22:5; Neh. 1:5; Dan. 9:4). Jesus gave us the perfect example of love and instructed, "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love" (Jn. 15:10). Did Jesus express His love for the Father by having a "love affair" with the Father? Could we properly speak of Christ's love for the Father in terms of an illicit romance? No, it was perfectly demonstrated in the total obedience shown by Jesus in the flesh (Jn. 8:29; Heb. 5:8-9). Likewise, Christ does not seek us to express our love by romance, but by obedience. "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome" (1 Jn. 5:3). Some say that keeping commandments is cold and loveless, but that is not what the Bible teaches. One who truly loves God will not see keeping His commandments as a loveless chore, but as a love-filled and love-motivated opportunity. The inspired apostle expressed it this way:
Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him (1 Jn. 2:3-5).
A perfected love of God is not found in a "love affair" with Him, but in humble service to Him -- a service that esteems and obeys all of His commandments as the very definition of that love. Contrast the Bible view of love with the following:
If we expect to have any balance in this fast-paced world in which we live, we must find it first in perfect love: the love affair between Creator and created, between the Weaver and the woven, between God and man... If you are seeking balance, I suggest you seek the Foundational truths born of a love affair with the Father. May God reveal His grace to you in ever increasing measure; may the Father wrap you in His arms and still your cares until the calm of His beating heart permeates your very soul with its presence; may you nestle tightly against His breast, your arms locked around His waist, settling into a quiet sleep (Eric Knickerbocker, "On Balance and a Virtuous Life," www.mrrena.com/virtue.shtml).
Dare one think it appropriate to express our love for God by such actions? But that is exactly the kind of action consistent with having a "love affair" with the Lord.
Oh how we dream of falling in love with Mr. Right and living each day in full passion with him, sharing our most tender and intimate thoughts with him. There has never been anything that can even compare to the feeling of being in love and living in passion with the one that we love. There is just a certain natural high that goes along with being in love, it's almost a mystery... So many will spend literally hundreds of dollars yearly buying romance novels, just itching to get a quick glimpse of the feeling, many will have extra-martial affairs yearly to feel this passion that they may not be getting at home, many will turn there soaps on daily to get an hours worth of this feeling or rent a movie to feel this passion, and then there is many that will only dream of this feeling and never actually be able to feel the realness of this gratifying feeling... This is the true meaning and feeling of where we are to place our desires, with Him. Until we can come to the place of putting Him in this area, we will never be completely satisfied with any love affair that we have, true contentment of these feelings comes when our heart are on fire for the One who gave His life for you and me, that is Jesus Christ. Do you want to fall in love, do you want to feel His touch, do you want to feel Him running through your heart and soul? Seek Him, and these desires plus more will be totally, 100 percent met (Chaplain Stacy Steele, "Love Affair," www.morning-star.com/lvaffair.html).
Please note that the writer knew and correctly stated that the term "affair" connotes an illicit relationship. Yet, she chooses those terms to use in comparison to man's love for God.
People try extra-marital "love" affairs, only to find it's a dead-end street. There is one love affair, however, which is not only good for us, but it is altogether necessary. This is the love affair which every Christian needs... It is a love affair with God... There is a desperate need today for a passionate, hot-hearted, intense, consuming love affair with God... To love God with all our soul means that our love for God ought to be full of passion. Indeed, when we think of a love affair, we think of passion. And we are all people of passion. While we may try to deny our emotions, our emotions have a way of rising to the surface in spite of all our efforts to hide them. Now, emotions are good... And we need to say that it's OK to express them, especially as we express them in love for God... I am talking about a hot-hearted, passionate, consuming love (Sermon by J. David Hoke, preacher of New Horizons Community Church and team chaplain for Philadelphia Eagles, "A Love Affair You Need," 4/13/97, www.horizonsnet.org/sermons/loveaffair.html).
"A passionate, hot-hearted, intense, consuming love affair"? "With God"?!? Such terminology betrays a mind more in touch with sordid literature than with Bible verses.
First love isn't cerebral - it's emotional. Do you have deep feelings for Jesus, or has the passion of loving Him grown cold? I want to be more moved by Jesus. More moved by what He did for me on the cross than I've ever been in my life... It's so easy for the warmth of first love to die. In our relationship with Jesus, first love gets quenched by rules... Maybe Jesus is calling you back in to that love - that love that you had when you knew him a lot less, but you loved Him more. In the middle of all our Christianity, it's easy to forget what it's about. It's a relationship; it's a love affair with the Lord Jesus. Maybe right now He's got His hands on your shoulders (Sermon by Ron Hutchcraft, "Original Love," transcript # 4539, www.gospelnet.com).
How would Mr. Hutchcraft's disdain for "rules" match up with Jesus' command, "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (Jn. 14:15)? Would keeping commandments quench Mr. Hutchcraft's love? And how can we know the Lord less and love Him more when the Bible says, "we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments" and that our love is "perfected" thereby (1 Jn. 2:3-5)? No, Mr. Hutchcraft's brand of "love" is not the same as God commands of His people.
The Bible is a love letter as opposed to a blueprint... for me, for years, Christianity was a moral code. It is now becoming a love affair. For years there were rules and regulations, now it's a relationship (Max Lucado, pulpit minister for Oak Hills Church [formerly Oak Hills Church of Christ], Tulsa World, 3/12/89).
Do you see where this non-biblical terminology inevitably leads? It seeks first to focus our attention on emotion. It then redefines the "love" we have for God as a "feeling" or romantic attachment, subjectively measured rather than objectively evidenced by obedience. The last step is to view adherence to "rules" as being opposed to the "love affair" urged. Brethren who are adopting this dangerous and worldly terminology have not taken it to its end -- yet. But their speech is already betraying their direction. When people get so comfortable with terminology from pop culture that is suggestive of illicit action and then dare to use it in redefining Bible terms, they manifest a greater familiarity with the worldly vernacular than the oracles of God (1 Pet. 4:11). Do you want to love the Lord with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength? Get your mind and language out of a gutter description of illicit romance, and get your life into an humble service of the Lord as directed in His word!