"...But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ..." (Eph. 4:15). The setting and context of this verse indicates that the "speaking in love" concerns the doctrine of Christ which provides the "Unity of the Spirit" and opposes that state of being carried about with "every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive." This speaking in love also concerns the edifying of the body; the putting off of the old man and putting on of the new man. It involves the speech to "neither give place to the devil" (vs. 27).
What does Paul mean by the expression: "speaking the truth in love"? Does he mean that there can be no plain, condemning of sin; no language of rebuke should be used? Does he mean that "name calling" should never be used? How shall we determine what the apostle meant by the expression?
Before we look into the scriptures to determine what this expression means, perhaps it is in order to inquire how one tells when another is not "speaking the truth in love." What standard do men use to decide this? What do those who condemn one for not speaking in love mean by "speaking in love"? I think that some of them mean those who speak "boldly" are not speaking in love. Others mean that strong words of condemnation are not words spoken in love; some mean that when a brother's name is used in connection with a false doctrine or practice, it is not "speaking in love." Just how do we determine when one is "speaking the truth in love"? Since the apostle Paul was the instrument of the Holy Spirit to pen these words, let us observe how he spoke and we will learn what it means.
It meant to speak boldly the word of God. "Great is my boldness of speech toward you. . . (2 Cor. 7:4). It means to use plainness of speech. "Seeing then that we have such hope, we use great plainness of speech" (2 Cor. 3:12). It includes rude (unskilled, unpolished) speech. "But though I be rude in speech. . . (2 Cor. 11:6). It means to make manifest or to reveal. "That I may make it manifest, as I ought to speak" (Col. 4:4). It means to speak to please God and not men. "But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts" (1 Thess. 2:4). "For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ" (Gal. 1:10). It means to speak the truth without fear. "Then spake the Lord to Paul in the night by a vision, Be not afraid, but speak, and hold not thy peace" (Acts 18:9). It means to speak to put another to shame. "I speak to your shame..." (1 Cor. 6:5). It means to speak the truth and only the truth. "Whereunto I am ordained a preacher, and an apostle, (I speak the truth in Christ and lie not); a teacher of the Gentiles in faith and verity" (1 Tim. 2:7)."
It means to speak sound doctrine. "But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine . . . Sound speech, that cannot be condemned . . . (Titus 2:1, 8). It means not to speak in the enticing words of man's wisdom. "And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom . . ." (1 Cor. 2:4). It means to reprove the works of darkness. "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them" (Eph. 5:11). It means to rebuke with all authority, sharply, and before all. "These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority" (Titus 2:15). "This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith" (Titus 1:13). "Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear" (1 Tim. 5:20). It means the calling of names. "Of whom is Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme" (1 Tim. 1:20). For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world. . ." (2 Tim. 4:10). "Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works" (2 Tim. 4:14). "But Elymas the sorcerer (for so is his name by interpretation) withstood them, seeking to turn away the deputy from the faith. Then Saul, (who also is called Paul) filled with the Holy Ghost, set his eyes on him, and said, O full of all subtilty and all mischief, thou child of the devil, thou enemy of all righteousness, wilt thou not cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord?" (Acts 13:8-10).
What all "speaking the truth in love" means, it certainly includes speaking boldly, plainly, making manifest, speaking to please God rather than men, to speak without fear, to speak to shame evil doers, speaking only the truth, to speak sound doctrine, to reprove with all authority, sharply and before all, and calling names of those in sin.
Most of those who criticize for speaking boldly and plainly, think of the love as applying to that tender emotion toward the individual to whom the preaching is done. They view it as "loving sinners" so as not to hurt their feelings and expose their error too sharply. The real meaning of "speaking the truth in love" is to have that love for Christ, for the truth, for the lost souls of men to hold nothing back that would be profitable for them. True love does not rejoice in iniquity, but does rejoice in the truth (1 Cor. 13:6). I must love men so as to make them know the truth.