by Harry Osborne
In the previous articles in this series, we have considered our society's horrible problem of violence among young people. We also showed the need for proper discipline within the home. The Bible presents the discipline needed as an outgrowth of a parent's love for a child. Now, we want to direct our attention to how love is cultivated within the home. God's word has the answer and we must turn to it, heeding what He says.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved us when He died for us (Ephesians 5:25). That love must mean more to the husband than all he owns (Song of Solomon 8:7). He must never leave that love to engage in adultery (Proverbs 5:15-20). When this love is present, a husband will be earnest in his care and concern for his wife. He will not seek to fill his life with hobbies and activities which take him away from her on a continuing basis. Love seeks the presence of its object, not an absence from such. In short, a loving husband finds his ultimate joy in providing for and participating in the happiness of his wife.
The kind of love God instructs for marriage is one that can be taught (Titus 2:4). It is just such a love that causes the wife to seek the happiness of her husband (Ephesians 5:24). This kind of wife is pictured in Proverbs 31:10-31. She is not one who looks with bitterness upon her place in the home, nor upon her husband. Instead, she shows the example of joyful service which draws her husband closer to the Lord by her example (1 Peter 3:1-4). A loving wife looks with delight upon the happiness and accomplishments of her husband and is truly a help meet for him each step of the way.
Where love exists between husband and wife, it will be extended towards the children as well. Children will see love defined and exemplified each day as it is lived before their eyes. Parents, it is our responsibility to let love be seen as the norm for conduct within the home. Where love is seen in word and action in the daily lives of the husband and wife, a powerful lesson is presented for the children in that home -- love is the expected standard for the behavior of all therein. Where that love is absent, children will also be deprived of learning and experiencing the love God intended. When the husband and wife do not have the proper love for one another, the stage is set for multiplied problems.
Children learn about love from their parents. When the love is not present in the home, the children will grow to imitate that same lack of love in their homes. What is the result? A multiplying of more and more unhappy, unloving homes with each generation. That lack of love will be displayed in bitterness and aggression between the husband and wife, then towards the children, and finally towards others whom those children contact. Unloving homes often are broken apart by divorce. It is beyond dispute that children of divorce experience greater risks of abuse, neglect, deprivation, future divorces in their marriages and other dangers. These problems merely set the stage for a cycle of more seeds of bitterness and the consequences wrought upon the next generation. The effects are being seen in our society today with the rising rates of teen violence. It should be no surprise when children who see bitterness, hatred and despair as the norm in life exhibit the fruits of the attitudes they have learned. When we look at the mess present in families across our nation, it is amazing to me that the situation is not worse. We are merely reaping what has been sown by a selfish and unloving generation (Galatians 6:7-9; Proverbs 14:34).
On the other hand, when the proper love is shown in the home, children grow to imitate that love in their families as well. The result of such families is a blessing to each member and to the people around them. Society reaps the benefit of homes filled with love.
As the wise man of old said, "Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man" (Ecclesiastes 12:13). God designed us as creatures who should reverently serve Him. When that central purpose of man is overlooked, it leaves one without the proper foundation for all aspects of life.
The family that God describes in the Bible still works. It is still a place where joy and peace abound. This kind of family can be built if each member of the family sets his heart to love the others more than self and seek God's will above all else. Let us build the kind of homes God designed in His word.